The Selective Outrage of Religious Conservatives

Most modern day conservatives are angry because they feel the powers that be are hindering their ability to live freely.

The problem, however, is that they're only interested in preserving freedoms they deem moral.

I too am a big backer of freedom. In fact, I find it extremely off-putting when a public official instructs me how to live as if they're my self-appointed parent. For example, I would rather First Lady Obama help the underprivileged eat a meal of any kind than lecture the middle class on how much sodium they should consume on a daily basis. Unlike conservatives, I don't find the First Lady evil for attempting to influence the habits of average Americans, yet I do think her time could better be spent helping the downtrodden, as opposed to nagging those who know full well what excessive eating will do to their bodies yet choose gluttony.

Conservatives frantically say, "How dare Mrs. Obama instruct the citizenry to strictly devour foods of which she approves! Once she controls your diet, she'll come after the posters on your wall! So unless you want the cold eyes of Mr. Obama fixated on your bed as you make love to your wife, you must vote Republican!"

Despite this, most members of the GOP are not so keen on freedom when it applies to prostitution, gambling and marijuana smoking.

Some conservatives say such acts should be outlawed due to public safety concerns. But if we're going to make actions illegal because we can't trust people to be responsible, why are cars on the road? Why is the sale of alcohol legal? Why can amateur male athletes buy balls that could strike them in the same groin that produced the very offspring whose errant throw was directly responsible for the infliction of what I infer is immensely intense pain?

It's a common theme in my columns, but no one can claim to fully support freedom when they're only a proponent of individuals retaining the freedom to participate in activities that "feel right." Like pornography, conservatives know actions that should remain free when they see them. A family eating five happy meals per day: must remain free. A camouflage clad clan taking an SUV full of hunting rifles to the nearest forest: must remain free. A man selling another man a dime bag in the privacy of a dwelling in which no children are present: must remain forever forbidden.

I suppose I'm harping on the topic because I'm so extremely tired of hearing conservatives say, "They're taking away my freedom to purchase the light bulb I deem ideal for placing in the lamp under which I frequently re-read Rush Limbaugh's 1992 bestseller, The Way Things Ought to Be," and, "They're taking away my freedom to keep the healthcare plan I've grown to love over the past several years even though I haven't stepped foot inside a doctor's office since 1998."

How do I respond to the cries of the concerned conservative? I say to them, "All I caught was chirping crickets when I communicated consternation at the complete lack of freedom that has for years hindered the ability of others to partake in victimless acts."