So Help Me Loch Ness Monster

All the talk regarding the botched Oath of Office, that officially made Barack Obama the 44th Christian in Chief, was about how Chief Justice John Roberts flubbed his lines, thus causing Mr. Obama to flub his lines, which may or may not have meant that the Oath was null in void.

Nobody focused on the last four vile words, "So Help Me God."

For those of us who don't believe in the myth that there is a higher power, it's a little unnerving that the President of the United States asks an imaginary figure for help with the most important job on the face of the planet. I mean I'd be scared if the guy who took pictures at the DMV asked for God's help in performing his duties. "God, help me focus the camera so I don't have to do a bunch of retakes." I would rather he or she just asked their supervisor for assistance.

The problem is that President Obama doesn't have a supervisor.

Bush basically governed based on conversations with his God and look where that got us.

Just like prosecutors use vague laws to indict people that didn't violate the spirit in which the law was written, politicians can use vague words said by their God to make horrific decisions that affect millions of people.

If some Muslims can use the Koran as justification for the murder of children, while others can use it to declare their chosen faith is, "The Religion of Peace," we can easily tell that people will interpret their book any way they choose.

In other words, most people don't let their book guide them; rather they guide their book. And the Muslim example is a good illustration of how religious folks go from one extreme to the other.

Look at some of the very real and very crazy things religious people claim their books teach; claims that others of the same religion say are asinine.

"My religion teaches me that the power of prayer will cure my child's malaria."

"My religion teaches me to marry Suzy, Jane, Jennifer, Wanda and Paula. And he wants me to have lots of children with each, though I can't even support myself financially."

"My religion teaches me to kill anyone who does not believe in my religion, even if we're talking about children who can't comprehend the notion of a higher power."

One of the major criticisms of Barack Obama during the campaign was his affiliation with Reverend Jeremiah Wright. Reverend Wright said things like, "God damn America," and, "The US of KKK."

The problem is, those doing the criticizing were followers of the same religion!

This is yet another example of a person who follows a certain book appalling followers of the same book with words spoken in a religious setting.

So basically we have a situation where every Federal official who takes the Oath of Office can claim they're doing certain things in the name of their religion. And how they interpret their religious text is, "a very personal matter that should not be questioned."

I suppose it's too much to ask that our elected officials ask for help from mythical creatures that have at least been spotted.

So help me Mokele-mbembe.

The Randomness of God's Rules

One of the things that puzzle us atheists about Christianity is the unquestioned worship of a God who lays out laws which largely make no sense.

The reason the framers of the Constitution are considered great is because their writings were based on reason.

Had the U.S. Constitution included things like, "No man should talk to his wife between 4:15 and 4:30 on Tuesday," we might not think so highly of them.

I'm not saying the Constitution, or the work of any man, is perfect, but it's surprising how many men have created laws that made more sense than God, yet He is supposed to be the perfect one.

Certainly there are some Commandments I can get on board with.

"Though Shall Not Kill."

I'm good with that.

But what about homosexuality?

There is no reason for it to be wrong, yet the Bible says it is.

They say arguments can be made that the chances a child succeeds in life are greater if they’re raised by a man and a woman, but it really comes down to the people involved.

So to say homosexuality is wrong based on the above argument is to say, "I'd rather have a straight drug addicted couple raise a child than a loving homosexual couple."

So the flat out argument, "Homosexuality is wrong," makes no sense and has no basis. And the fact that your pastor has always told you homosexuality is bad really isn't an argument.

Let's talk about an actual Commandment.

"Though Shall Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Wife" (It basically says don't covet anything belonging to your neighbor, but we'll stick with wife.)

Now remember that covet doesn't mean trying to get the sloppy drunk wife of your neighbor in a room alone at a party so you can feel her up.

Because to attempt such a vile act is clearly dead wrong.

Coveting is looking out the window as many times as possible while the wife of your neighbor is out jogging in her sports bra and saying to yourself, "I wish I could join her in the bathroom for her post-jog shower."

There is really nothing wrong with the above because it is a very human feeling.

And why do you have those lustful urges? If you're a Christian you believe it is because God put them there.

Why would God put urges in your heart and tell you said urges are horrible.

Is it good parenting to have the following conversation with your child after giving them a toy?

Parent: Do you like it?

Kid: It's awesome; you're the best mom (or dad) ever!

Parent: Don't play with it?

Kid: Why not?

Parent: Because I said so.

Kid: I don't understand.

Parent: I know; you just have to have faith that I'm a good parent.

Kid: I have to have faith that you're a good parent, even though you're making a bunch of rules that don't make a lot of sense right now?

Parent: Correct.

Kid: Why'd you give me the toy then?

Parent: To test your love for me.

Kid: How does it harm you if I play with it?

Parent: It doesn't.

Kid: So why can't I play with my shiny new toy? I want to so badly!

Parent: Oh, it's also wrong of you to have a yearning desire to play with that toy. It's worse if you actually follow through; but it's still wrong that you want to.

Kid: But by putting the toy in front of me you caused me to have the urge. If you don't want me to do something, why give me the urge?

Parent: Again, to test you.

Kid: You want to make sure I don't do, or even have the desire to do, something that's not evil, will not hurt you in any way, simply because you say so? There is no reason, logic, or thought behind your demand, yet if I don't follow your instructions I am doing a very bad thing and failing to have faith in your parenting skills?

Parent: Correct.

Kid: So your bad parenting is supposed to give me faith that you're a good parent?

Parent: I'm glad we understand each other. And you may not get where I'm coming from now, but pretty soon you'll be extremely thankful I'm a New Testament parent.