CBS News anchor Katie Couric once suggested that a Cosby Show type program revolving around a typical American Muslim family should be aired in the United States for the express purpose of showing average citizens of our country that stateside followers of Islam are just like you and I. They're not suicide bombers in training, or even suicide bombing sympathizers. In fact, they hate terrorism just as much as whitey. Should such a television program air, most Muslim bashing would immediately cease. Or so Ms. Couric assumes.
I say a Cosby Show type program revolving around a typical religious American family should be shown on television sets throughout the Muslim world. This Cosby-like clan will show overtly religious Arabs exactly how intolerant church-going Americans are!
The television program I propose will focus on an American protestant couple struggling to raise their children to believe exactly as they do.
Despite pressures from outside influences to modernize, the apple pie eating parents preach endlessly to their children about the good that comes from preventing peers attracted to members of the same sex from acting on their inherent desires.
"Tell your friend Timmy that a life miserably spent sharing a bed with a member of the opposite sex will ensure he's happily greeted in heaven, while earthly fulfillment that results from spending every day and night with the person he actually loves means he'll eternally remain outside those exclusive gates," the mom will say to her son. They will then embrace, causing the studio audience to make a noise as if they were witnessing two adorable little panda cubs playing Patty Cake.
I think a few Middle Eastern Muslims would marvel at the fact that American matriarchs and patriarchs also teach their children that homosexuality is a sin most evil. Besides, some Muslim parents would likely be sympathetic to the fact that American mothers and fathers are forbidden from legally murdering offspring who engage in such deviant behavior. Therefore the television program could unite parents of differing faiths.
"You mean Americans caught experimenting with homosexuality are allowed to escape death by hanging and by multiple stones to the upper body!? Those poor American parents simply have no recourse!" they will sympathetically say. They will then symbolically reach their hand across the globe in an effort to comfort their kindred spirits.
Muslims will learn that many American couples have children who wish to date outside the religion. Like we Americans unsuccessfully yell to the protagonist near the end of a horror movie, "You better stick that spike through his spleen one more time cause that guy ain't dead," the overtly religious Muslim will scream to the adult characters on my proposed television program, "Gather together the townsfolk to carry out a community building honor killing and be done with it!? Hurry, before the sinners relocate to California where homosexuality is encouraged!"
I'm by no means suggesting that most Arab Muslims execute "misbehaving" children, but we clearly need to win the hearts and minds of people so fanatical they find carrying out such an extreme punishment the best way to handle immoral offspring, thus making radicals the target audience of my new show.
There's simply no good reason Hollywood shouldn't actively strive to bring together parents from all over the world who force their children to needlessly abide by prehistoric publications. After all, unjustified discrimination should never be restricted to a specific religion.
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