Merry Christmas!
Sorry, I hope you didn't do a spit take with your morning Joe after realizing that a real-life atheist just wished you Merry Christmas!.
The truth is most atheists are fairly normal people. You probably don't realize just how rational 99.9% of us are because the folks at Fox News have done a good job in portraying us as crazy zealots who won't rest until the word "merry" is never again uttered directly before the word "Christmas."
The attempt by Fox News to brand us as insane is equivalent to me portraying everyone in the Christian religion as having the same qualities as members of the KKK. The KKK brands themselves as Christians after all.
I will even go as far as wishing you Merry Christmas in a Christmassy color...
Merry Christmas!
In case you missed it; let me bold it and increase the font...
Merry Christmas!
Yes, it would be nice if there was a holiday during which you could return the favor, but I’m okay with that fact that you need a week or so where it's all about you!
I mean there is obviously insecurity that dwells deep within you which causes you to seek the comfort of a religion that tells you you'll forever live in bliss should you happen to believe a specific book contains facts.
So you need Christmas.
You really need Christmas.
Merry Christmas by the way.
I can even appreciate some of the fantastic things Christmas has given us.
It’s a Wonderful Life – Great movie! Just because I'm an atheist doesn't mean I don't believe in hope, love and togetherness! I just believe in getting together to laugh and have fun, as opposed to getting together to pay my respects to something that doesn't exist.
A day and half off work – Almost makes me want to say praise Jesus!
So, unlike the few atheists insistent on getting press this time of year, I choose to take a stance of strength.
I am content to live my life without a specific time of year where everyone celebrates my beliefs and I get angry with them should they choose not to greet me in a certain way.
You, on the other hand, are emotionally unequipped to deal with an entire year going by without everyone taking a few days to focus on your religion.
In fact, you remind me a lot of my good friend's toddler. Every time the little tike does something he deems worthwhile he holds up his creation and won't stop nagging until you say something to the effect of, "I love it; you did a good thing!"
So in the spirit of the Season, let me just say, "You are good people who believe in virtue; not bigots who discriminate against those with whom you disagree."
Feel better?
In the words of the wise Bart Simpson, "Christmas is the time of year when people of all religions get together to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ."
Well Bart, you can count me in!
Merry Christmas everyone!
Gay is the New Atheist
First of all I want to say that were I a resident of California, I would have voted "no" on Proposition 8. In other words, I am in favor of gay marriage.
However, I get the feeling the homosexual community believes they now have a monopoly on non race related discrimination.
Excuse me, but last time I paid for a sandwich I didn't see any catchy pro-heterosexual slogans on my money. "I'll have a turkey club on whole-wheat and a small soda. Four-fifty, no problem, let me just pull out a five spot with, 'Sex Between a Man and Woman Feels Great!' printed to the right of Honest Abe's nose, and then you can give me back two quarters, each with 'Heterosexuals Do It With Natural Lubrication,' printed underneath George Washington's chin."
Yet, 'In God We Trust' remains on all U.S. currency.
With all due respect to the homosexual community, the fact that they have civil unions or domestic partnerships instead of marriage really doesn't make a whole lot of difference as they're basically the same thing.
Especially in California, where the domestic partnership law is very strong, gay couples really don't face obstacles other than the tears that come from the emotional strain of not being able to introduce themselves as husband and husband, or wife and wife.
Perhaps I'm a little jaded when it comes to this issue, but after being left alone to fight against the rights of atheists being trampled in a nation that overwhelmingly believes in the existence of a deity, I am not ready to have sympathy for another group who claims rampant bigotry.
President-Elect Barack Obama, a man who I support, is not even progressive enough to cease the practice of ending his speeches with "God Bless America." Sure, I'd be more sympathetic to the gay marriage struggle if Mr. Obama instead concluded his speeches with, "God bless Americans in heterosexual relationships." If that were the case, perhaps we could even team up!
And don't get me started on hate crime legislation.
President-Elect Obama has indicated he will quickly expand hate crime laws to include sexual orientation. While I applaud this, I wonder why he hasn't declared his desire to see the law expanded to include atheists. (Sure, hate crime laws already include religion, but we all know it means theists harming other theists for believing in the wrong deity.)
The expanding of hate crimes legislation would mean that if me and a homosexual are standing at a bus stop together and I am beaten beyond recognition by a religious fundamentalist because I am an atheist, and the homosexual is beaten beyond recognition by a religious fundamentalist because he or she is a homosexual, the person who had unleashed fists of fury upon the face and body of the gay individual would receive more time behind bars than the person who disfigured me. Heck, they'd probably let my tormentor off the hook with a, 'Thank you for doing to that atheist what this badge prevents me from doing!'"
Again, I don't oppose hate crimes legislation being expanded to include gender, sexual orientation and gender identity; I simply want it expanded to include gender, sexual orientation, gender identity and atheism. And until those pressing for the passage of an expansion include atheists, I'm not too interested in helping them out when I've suffered so much since publicly declaring my atheist beliefs.
Let's examine the struggles we atheists go through on a daily basis: Reading about all the past theist leaders of America in our history books, our future progressive President choosing to exclude us at the conclusion of his speeches to the country, the money we exchange for goods and services being plastered with religious phrases, and having to watch nearly every sports figure in America point to their god in thanks after doing something good on the playing surface.
Being an atheist I normally take liberal positions, and that's why I favor gay marriage. So why write a column critical of the homosexual community when all they're doing is fighting for equal rights, you ask. Because atheism is a lonely life; and our isolationism makes us prone to take our own stance, regardless of whether or not it puts us at odds with people with whom we usually agree.
Perhaps I should be a big person and reach out to others who face discrimination, but the pain in my heart causes me to be constantly fearful said outreach will only be met with more bigotry.
However, I get the feeling the homosexual community believes they now have a monopoly on non race related discrimination.
Excuse me, but last time I paid for a sandwich I didn't see any catchy pro-heterosexual slogans on my money. "I'll have a turkey club on whole-wheat and a small soda. Four-fifty, no problem, let me just pull out a five spot with, 'Sex Between a Man and Woman Feels Great!' printed to the right of Honest Abe's nose, and then you can give me back two quarters, each with 'Heterosexuals Do It With Natural Lubrication,' printed underneath George Washington's chin."
Yet, 'In God We Trust' remains on all U.S. currency.
With all due respect to the homosexual community, the fact that they have civil unions or domestic partnerships instead of marriage really doesn't make a whole lot of difference as they're basically the same thing.
Especially in California, where the domestic partnership law is very strong, gay couples really don't face obstacles other than the tears that come from the emotional strain of not being able to introduce themselves as husband and husband, or wife and wife.
Perhaps I'm a little jaded when it comes to this issue, but after being left alone to fight against the rights of atheists being trampled in a nation that overwhelmingly believes in the existence of a deity, I am not ready to have sympathy for another group who claims rampant bigotry.
President-Elect Barack Obama, a man who I support, is not even progressive enough to cease the practice of ending his speeches with "God Bless America." Sure, I'd be more sympathetic to the gay marriage struggle if Mr. Obama instead concluded his speeches with, "God bless Americans in heterosexual relationships." If that were the case, perhaps we could even team up!
And don't get me started on hate crime legislation.
President-Elect Obama has indicated he will quickly expand hate crime laws to include sexual orientation. While I applaud this, I wonder why he hasn't declared his desire to see the law expanded to include atheists. (Sure, hate crime laws already include religion, but we all know it means theists harming other theists for believing in the wrong deity.)
The expanding of hate crimes legislation would mean that if me and a homosexual are standing at a bus stop together and I am beaten beyond recognition by a religious fundamentalist because I am an atheist, and the homosexual is beaten beyond recognition by a religious fundamentalist because he or she is a homosexual, the person who had unleashed fists of fury upon the face and body of the gay individual would receive more time behind bars than the person who disfigured me. Heck, they'd probably let my tormentor off the hook with a, 'Thank you for doing to that atheist what this badge prevents me from doing!'"
Again, I don't oppose hate crimes legislation being expanded to include gender, sexual orientation and gender identity; I simply want it expanded to include gender, sexual orientation, gender identity and atheism. And until those pressing for the passage of an expansion include atheists, I'm not too interested in helping them out when I've suffered so much since publicly declaring my atheist beliefs.
Let's examine the struggles we atheists go through on a daily basis: Reading about all the past theist leaders of America in our history books, our future progressive President choosing to exclude us at the conclusion of his speeches to the country, the money we exchange for goods and services being plastered with religious phrases, and having to watch nearly every sports figure in America point to their god in thanks after doing something good on the playing surface.
Being an atheist I normally take liberal positions, and that's why I favor gay marriage. So why write a column critical of the homosexual community when all they're doing is fighting for equal rights, you ask. Because atheism is a lonely life; and our isolationism makes us prone to take our own stance, regardless of whether or not it puts us at odds with people with whom we usually agree.
Perhaps I should be a big person and reach out to others who face discrimination, but the pain in my heart causes me to be constantly fearful said outreach will only be met with more bigotry.
Do You Realize Everything Will Be the Same?
How many of you on either side of the political aisle truly believe something magical will happen if your candidate gets elected?
I think the country gets so caught up in Presidential elections because we assume a victory for our candidate means our lives will suddenly be transformed into some sort of fairy tale.
But regardless of who wins, come January 21st, 2009 you will have the same crappy job, be forced to pay the same exorbitant bills, drive the same ratty car, and be acquainted with the same group of ne'er-do-well friends.
If you're one of those unemployed people who don't enjoy working, neither Presidential candidate will somehow find you a job that "doesn't feel like work."
In other words – your life is not going to change.
You "believers" truly feel that everything but you control your life!
If you were hired by your current employer after January 20th, 2001 does that mean that George W. Bush got you the job? Or do you have the job because you applied for it?
Something tells me it's the latter.
Because I bet if Al Gore were elected in 2000 you'd still have that job. While had you not applied for it...
Maybe most of you know this, but neither Barack Obama nor John McCain will create a single job!
I'll put it another way: Unless they start a business using their own money while in the White House, a President will never create employment opportunities!
The only Presidential candidate that could influence me into thinking he could create jobs is John McCain, who could do so by promising to take some of his wife's 10-trillion-dollars and open up a little coffee shop outside the White House. He could call it "Café 1600" and hire 10 recent college graduates to run the place! That, above any of the current job creation plans, would get my attention.
His press conference would be simple... John McCain: I will create jobs as President.
Reporter: How? John McCain: I'll take Cindy's money, open a coffee house, gather a bunch of prospective employees and point to the ones I like while saying, "You're hired, You're hired, You're hired, etc."
And I'm not saying this in a partisan way either. If John Kerry would have promised to do the same with Teresa's money, I'd have fully supported his efforts.
This piece is not meant to be negative; I'm just trying to warn you that everything will remain exactly the same for you if your candidate is elected President in November. You'll be excited for about five minutes and then all of a sudden say to yourself, "I have to go to work tomorrow where my boss will tear me a new one if I am unable to foresee his every want and need, just as he has for the last eight years."
Then you'll get frustrated because everyone to whom you owe money will still want to get paid.
"But my candidate got elected, and he promised a brighter future for everyone with a salary similar to my own," you'll explain to the bill collector.
"But if you don't pay me, my future will fail to be bright," the bill collector will correctly respond.
I realize a lot of you are treating this election like a sporting event and, while you want your team to win because its members share a like worldview, realize no matter who takes office in 2009 your life will remain in a constant state of sameness.
And to take the sports analogy one step further: most of you who truly believe a victory by your candidate will mean great prosperity for you and your loved ones, while a victory by the other guy will result in poverty for all, are probably a lot like my cousin Richie, who swears a victory by the New York Jets once made him so happy that his sinus infection disappeared.
I sh*t you not.
So remember; it's not about a higher power guiding your every move or a god-like politician somehow making it easy for you to be successful; it's about you getting out there and making something of your life – because you are the only person (or being) looking out for you.
I think the country gets so caught up in Presidential elections because we assume a victory for our candidate means our lives will suddenly be transformed into some sort of fairy tale.
But regardless of who wins, come January 21st, 2009 you will have the same crappy job, be forced to pay the same exorbitant bills, drive the same ratty car, and be acquainted with the same group of ne'er-do-well friends.
If you're one of those unemployed people who don't enjoy working, neither Presidential candidate will somehow find you a job that "doesn't feel like work."
In other words – your life is not going to change.
You "believers" truly feel that everything but you control your life!
If you were hired by your current employer after January 20th, 2001 does that mean that George W. Bush got you the job? Or do you have the job because you applied for it?
Something tells me it's the latter.
Because I bet if Al Gore were elected in 2000 you'd still have that job. While had you not applied for it...
Maybe most of you know this, but neither Barack Obama nor John McCain will create a single job!
I'll put it another way: Unless they start a business using their own money while in the White House, a President will never create employment opportunities!
The only Presidential candidate that could influence me into thinking he could create jobs is John McCain, who could do so by promising to take some of his wife's 10-trillion-dollars and open up a little coffee shop outside the White House. He could call it "Café 1600" and hire 10 recent college graduates to run the place! That, above any of the current job creation plans, would get my attention.
His press conference would be simple... John McCain: I will create jobs as President.
Reporter: How? John McCain: I'll take Cindy's money, open a coffee house, gather a bunch of prospective employees and point to the ones I like while saying, "You're hired, You're hired, You're hired, etc."
And I'm not saying this in a partisan way either. If John Kerry would have promised to do the same with Teresa's money, I'd have fully supported his efforts.
This piece is not meant to be negative; I'm just trying to warn you that everything will remain exactly the same for you if your candidate is elected President in November. You'll be excited for about five minutes and then all of a sudden say to yourself, "I have to go to work tomorrow where my boss will tear me a new one if I am unable to foresee his every want and need, just as he has for the last eight years."
Then you'll get frustrated because everyone to whom you owe money will still want to get paid.
"But my candidate got elected, and he promised a brighter future for everyone with a salary similar to my own," you'll explain to the bill collector.
"But if you don't pay me, my future will fail to be bright," the bill collector will correctly respond.
I realize a lot of you are treating this election like a sporting event and, while you want your team to win because its members share a like worldview, realize no matter who takes office in 2009 your life will remain in a constant state of sameness.
And to take the sports analogy one step further: most of you who truly believe a victory by your candidate will mean great prosperity for you and your loved ones, while a victory by the other guy will result in poverty for all, are probably a lot like my cousin Richie, who swears a victory by the New York Jets once made him so happy that his sinus infection disappeared.
I sh*t you not.
So remember; it's not about a higher power guiding your every move or a god-like politician somehow making it easy for you to be successful; it's about you getting out there and making something of your life – because you are the only person (or being) looking out for you.
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