Targeting Losers

Most of us can recall a time in which a fresh-faced friend of the family lived in his or her parent's basement longer than their peers. Most of these young people eventually find their way in the world. Many years later we say to each other in disbelief, "Remember when Bobby spent his first two post-college years working at the Burger Barn for minimum wage. Then he found his passion."

Recent graduates like Bobby are the target of churches across the country. Religions reach out to these youngsters before a passion is discovered. Once Bobby has a well-paying job and family, the church makes it seem as if his inherent talent would have forever remained repressed without their assistance.

They then make the successful man or woman feel as if the church is owed something for their efforts. "Once you opened your heart to our teachings, your life went from hopeless to fruitful. Without us, your bed would still be in a location that doubled as the laundry room. And remember how difficult sleep was due to the pungent aroma emanating from your father's soiled unmentionables!"

Of course it's important to meet contacts while job hunting, but with the networking options available today there are literally thousands of ways to seek out potential employers and references. Were you to join a different group, you could not only get acquainted with helpful people, you could also learn to cook, get fit or assist the needy.

If organized religion is so phenomenal, why go after those desperately seeking fulfillment? Why don't churches recruit in the lobby of the Waldorf-Astoria or pass out fliers on the red carpet at the Golden Globes? Before hanging out at the local bus station, I doubt most religions have attempted to contact everyone on the Forbes 400 list.

Most reputable organizations don't look for lost souls to recruit and certainly don't take credit for successes that likely would have occurred had they never formed. "You're now making seven figures and have a handful of beautiful houses in the Hamptons; it's all because you joined the Ultimate Frisbee Golf Enthusiasts and Go-Kart Klub!"