The Axis of Evil: Iran, North Korea and Sarah

America is currently waging four wars.

One in Iraq.

One in Afghanistan.

One in Libya.

One in America.

In Libya, America is fighting a brutal dictator. In Iraq, America is fighting religious zealots. In Afghanistan, America is fighting religious zealots. In America, America is fighting Americans the majority of other Americans consider anti-religious zealots.

I grant you, we atheists aren't gathered together in a bomb shelter awaiting the next wave of missiles; rather we're sitting in our homes awaiting the next Fox News story on how horrible we are for expressing frustration over the fact that our supposedly secular government bases laws on the Bible. Some Fox News personalities declare our refusal to sit idly by while the First Amendment to the United States Constitution is spat upon was the catalyst for war, i.e., America is acting in self defense.

Conservatives constantly lament that they're vilified by the left. "Well golly-gee-shucks, why do liberals call for our heads on a platter when all we want is limited government?"

I would ask them, "Why do you vilify atheists when all we want is to live in a land where laws are based on reason? Why do you accuse us of attempting to ruin the kid-centric holiday of Christmas - insinuating our motives are purely rotten - when all we want is nativity scenes moved from public courthouses to private front lawns."

Liberals vilify conservatives. Conservatives vilify liberals. Christian conservatives vilify atheists. Atheists vilify... Wait, who do we vilify? There must be at least one group of people we vilify. Think, Sarah, think. We often speak out against faithful folks who refuse to "live and let live." But asking that they take down overtly religious works on public land doesn't exactly constitute "vilifying." Come on Sarah, use your brain! After revealing their opinion, whose lips do I wish to see sewn shut in a ritualistic ceremony so horrific it would make producers of the Saw franchise say, "Damn!"? Wow, no one comes to mind. It appears as if I only desire to reside in a country whose leaders don't make asinine statements like, "The mass displaying of rules and regulations taught by the holy book I choose to follow in no way 'establishes a religion.'"

It appears I simply wish that people who belong to the religion practiced by the majority of my fellow countrypersons say, "We're going to honor the wishes of the great Thomas Jefferson by building a wall between church and state." After all, does abiding by the words of our third president hinder in any way your ability to practice whichever religion you deem true?

Instead you verbally attack us for undermining "American values" while simultaneously expressing outrage over the fact that your political adversaries accuse you of despising the poor, an argument you claim has no merit.

In other words, you can dish it out but you can't take it.

Now I must sign off; I need to start getting ready for the Axis of Evil Spring Formal. Let me tell you, it's very difficult finding an outfit that, A. won't give Kim Jong-Il the wrong idea, B. is super-sexy, and C. makes it impossible for Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to see my face.