My Wife Works in Mysterious Ways

"My wife is having an affair with the Dallas Cowboys."

"That's horrible; are you going to leave her?"

"No, she works in mysterious ways."

If the above conversation between two male friends seems odd, think about the fact that the, "He works in mysterious ways" excuse is used whenever the Christian God did something they deem ungodly.

That's basically how they justify each and every horrific atrocity committed in the Old Testament.

Obviously if we excused all modern day criminal behavior by declaring that the offender is working in ways we simply cannot comprehend, we would have a chaotic society.

You religious folks call it, "mysterious ways."

Folks in the legal profession call it, "insanity."

Since America is such a Christian nation I think we should change the legal jargon to match up with your beliefs.

"Your honor, my client is clearly not in his right mind and therefore pleads not guilty by reason of working in mysterious ways."

That's the reason I have such trouble with the notion of your God. In church, instead of frequently hearing the phrase, "He works in mysterious ways," shouldn't you hear the phrase, "Of course it makes sense, He's God."?

This is another instance of being told something is true at an early age and spending the rest of your life trying to make all the pieces fit.

During your childhood, had you been instructed that Charles Manson was some sort of deity, your days would be spent arguing that the brutal murders committed by the Manson family were either justified or unexplainably good.

After all, that's what members of the Manson family could have told each other, had any of them had reservations about killing...

"Should we really be doing this; stabbing the person before me seems wrong."

"I know, but Charlie said we have to, and he works in mysterious ways."

So if you're going to follow someone or something, why don't you follow someone or something whose actions don't need defending, instead of choosing to follow someone or something based on the advice of others and then declaring their every action to be, "Perfect."