Your Dinner is Getting Cold

I've never consumed a cold meal that was intended to be eaten warm. Once the food is put in front of me I eat it. I don't take time to pray to a being that doesn't exist while icicles form around my warm rolls.

I don't understand why such a loving Being makes it so hard for you to enjoy life. Because He riddled the world with unsightly weight gain your God makes it impossible for you to savor a good steak, a chocolate malt or nice candy bar.

Not only does He want you to eat healthy food, which displeases the pallet, He wants it to be ice cold.

One of the reasons the microwave business has taken off in such a way is because people say Grace before dinner. "Honey, go heat up the potatoes, Grandpa went on too long praying that Pep Boys would have that part for his RV when he goes into town tomorrow morning."

As families continue to get bigger, prayers are getting longer: "Please let George make it home from Iraq, help Janice's team win their softball game, heal the rash on Peter's left thigh, make Suzie's boyfriend realize he needs counseling before he seriously hurts someone, blah, blah, blah..." After all that, the meal someone has slaved over is ice cold and more work is needed to make it edible.

Why must you pray before the meal? It's the only time during the day when praying will have a negative effect on what you're doing: eating hot food.

If you prayed before you brushed your teeth, the toothpaste would taste the same. The dental floss wouldn’t have altered in any way. Even your mouthwash would not be affected - unless you count the slight chance it would go out of date mid-prayer.

And it doesn't even make sense to pray before eating. Afterward you can pray about changes you would like to see for your next meal. You could pray that the chicken be tenderer, or for God to infuse your spouse with greater culinary skill while he or she slept.

Better yet, why don't you just pray in church on Sunday to bless every meal you eat for the rest of the week? After all, prayer should be kept in church. That way you're sure not to offend anyone with whom you're breaking bread, and more importantly, your food will be eaten in the manner by which God intended.

See what I did there!